​​And I can highly recommend the end
I lost my life poolside
Hard white ceramic tile squares
Together by dark blue
By a turquoise detail to die for
A crystal chandelier suspended by nothing but capital and a necessary belief in Teenage
Fantasy
In opulence and opal
Anti-Gravity Lethal
And there is more to beauty than revering it
Don't you know
It is as trustworthy
As truthful as anything
My vision clears every time I see anything
Now we walk the hounds of love out-front
It does not have to be beautiful
Beauty is a fact of life among many others
But everything is more expensive and manufactured for less above a broken neck
And nothing will ever be the new black
Not even hot pink against a bright blue sky
A particular polishing compound
Wait go back
I wasn’t listening
What does sensitivity really get me
Wait go back
I wasn't listening
Only projecting
The pressure to the knee was by far the worst part
Blood pooling by my mother’s side
And she speaks to me nightly
Do they know
Who are they to throw you
Who sent you here
A fate worse than death is being caught in the wrong shade of red
A personality so last season it only serves to be blushing
The wrong shade of red
And describe it as best you can
A pressure against the chest like a hammer
Yes, like a full tool case against the brain
Risking an aneurysm and an epileptic fit just to be here
It's not a bad place it's a scared place
And you came here to hide from 360 degrees
Fears in 3D
Honey, I think you better go home
I can see your two-dimensional worldview all the way from over here
And run to religion as if it were forsaken
Until you can find somewhere to hide from 360 degrees inside a 3D structure
And tell the cops to stop bending her arm back like that
Tell them to stop
They won't listen to me
Fine, find someone here that they will listen to
Tell them to stop
Wait go back
A particular polishing compound
What does sensitivity really get me

​
​Just mirror it back to me
Mirror it back to me
Or mirror me back to me
Good god give me something
Anything to work with
 
And daylight breaks, I know
You think. Oh, I couldn't possibly
I know, you do the impossible every day
Every day since you realised daylight does not belong to anyone in particular
 
But midnight does
I am midnight at your most alone
And your 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am
Could be your daybreak breakdown
I am darling, don’t think for one second that I won’t
 
And the room starts to spin, and I think JFK me[i]. Honestly, I’d rather
And my condition is I see so clearly,
I see too clearly, so full of intentional action
And you are the angle I see from,
The horizon line of my eye is in your hips as I bend you over
 
And “I don’t get heartbreak because I don’t get heartbroken” [ii]
 
The new convenience of abandonment
Who are you in debt to Daddy
React to me
 
Marina’s performances allow her to pre-empt the disaster that experience has taught her to expect[iii]
 
Now I'm bleeding on the people, I forgot that I’ve still got an open gash[iv]
 
And practically
There are only so many jokes to be made before heartbreak sets you a new reality
You have one second to decide
I can only hope you catch the kind like rapture, not Rigor mortis
The worst part is it doesn’t even end you
Heartbreak requires a Horror Whatever mentality
 
At your expense
I keep trying to paint a pane
A stained-glass window between you and new reality
Why reserve rose tinted for pleasure
It’s a very expensive thing to do
 
I consider myself limitless
Living in a superimposed state of being
Relentless
 
Full of the kind of things you like
And I want to win prizes
The kind no one can recognise directly because I’m always sitting sideways ready to turn away
 
And how fucking dare you
Your audacity proves nothing other than your incapacity to care for yourself
And believing you have no one is a very particular sensitivity isn’t it
 
Brad and Angelina starring in a film together as a married couple who want to kill each other
 
Jane Smith asking John Smith “Still Alive, Baby?” after firing three shots at him
 
Brangelina is dead
 
And there were never any TEAM BRAD t-shirts
 
And gloves off claws out
 
Brad is a Sagittarius, Angelina is a Gemini and Jennifer is an Aquarius. So that whole thing makes complete sense, an earth sign wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere near that explosion  
 
And Madonna is a Leo and Britney is a Sagittarius and onstage at the 2003 Video Music Awards they pashed while Christina (a Sagittarius) watched. So that whole thing makes complete sense, an earth sign wouldn’t be caught dead anywhere near that explosion
 
And no mercy
Cars drive by a bloodstream
And I’m too busy to be concerned
Pretending to be Morticia Addams just for fun

You can follow Jordana on instagram and twitter. 

By Tayi Tibble

​​Awa Wahine is an online magazine established and run by creatives,  Ataria Rangipikitia Sharman and Irihipeti Waretini. The website is incredible featuring think pieces, personal essays, and creative writing. The site is organised around six categories; Wahine Toa, Taha Tinana, Taha Hinengaro, Taha Wairua, Taha Whanau and Taha Auaha. The kaupapa behind Awa Wahine is to provide a safe space for a community of women to share their stories. We spoke to Ataria and Irihipeti about their mahi, their kaupapa, how Awa Wahine was born and where Awa Wahine is going.

​"I grew up in Whanganui-a-Tara, but my marae are in Matauri (Ngāpuhi) and Te Puke (Tapuika)," Ataria says. "From a very young age, I have always loved reading and writing. However, for around 20-years all writing was put on hold because I grew up believing the ones who told me ‘not to be a writer because you can’t make any money,’ as if money was all that matters in life."

​Ataria is also completing a Master of Arts in Māori Studies with a focus on Māori women’s experiences of the atua wāhine. "I've found that this can show up in creative processes like waiata, weaving and writing."

Ataria is also writing a young adult fiction novel which was selected for the 2018 Te Papa Tupu mentorship programme. "The novel also draws on the atua, pūrākau. and our native animals for inspiration. I am really hoping it will be published at the end of the mentorship, fingers crossed."

​Ko Ruapehu te maunga
Ko Wanganui, Mangawhero, Whangaehu nga awa
Ko Morimotu te maunga tapu
Ko Paerangi te tupuna
Ko Rangituhi, Rangiteauria me Uenukumanawawiri nga tupuna
Ko Ngati Rangi te Iwi
Ko Irihipeti Waretini taku ingoa

"There has always been a hesitation to say I am an artist first and foremost out loud," Irihipeti confesses "because I’ve related it to how artistic I am outwardly, what, when and how much I am sharing with others and I’ve always came to the answer, that it’s never enough to warrant me as an “actual artist”. I am a singer and songwriter and have been since a very young age. This has developed into poetry, short stories and non-fiction writing. My creative ventures encompass visual communications such as photography too."

Irihipeti says that her creative practices taught her that "eyes are a language of their own, body language is a voice of its own and the stories we are telling or trying to tell ourselves and the people around us without speaking words, is alarmingly loud. So I’ve made it my life's work to uncover these stories, to verbalise my own, to create platforms and safe spaces to empower others to tell their stories."

Ataria says that she created Awa Wahine because she recognised a need for somewhere where women could share writing that would be unlikely to be published in other spaces.

"For example, writing about our monthly bleeding, childbirth, colonisation, writing that in many ways challenges patriarchy and the status quo," she explains. "The reasons why we can publish these types of writing when others can't are because; we don’t have corporate sponsorship, we don’t care about the number of hits or views a post might get and the site is self-funded. This gives us a considerable amount of flexibility and tino rangatiratanga over the content we share which I don’t think you will find with other online media/blog sites."

"I also wanted Awa Wahine to be a welcoming space for women who don’t yet identify as ‘writers.’ Women who don't feel like their writing is ‘good enough,’ that their voice is unimportant and they don’t have anything of value to share with others. At Awa Wahine by the very act of publishing their work, I believe we are saying that their writing is important. The name was inspired by Ngahuia Murphy's thesis on pre-colonial Māori women's menstruation, where Te Awa Wahine is another name for menstruation - alongside Te Awa Ātua and Te Awa Tapu."

Irihipeti says she got involved with Awa Wahine when she discovered Hana Tapiata, her korero and her "willingness to share her stories and the platforms she resonates with, I discovered Awa Wahine and when I reached out to Ataria to support her cause. I told her, “I’m helping and this is how I can help but if there’s something else you need help with, I’ll  figure out how to do that too.” Six months in I’ve since echoed this korero and added, “I’ll go anywhere your sailing this waka, e hoa!”
 
"That’s the power of story," Irihipeti says, "it’s a magnet for empowerment, unity and reflection. We tell stories to remember, stories to heal, stories to return home. Thus Awa Wahine, for me was certainly me returning home and my home as I remember it, how my DNA and my blood remembers it, every inch of my being remembers it. And it's been healing as fuck. Like generational trauma healing."

"I don’t know Hana nor did I know Ataria before this but I truly believe our tūpuna conspired to create this moment and many of the moments Ataria and I are witnessing through our platform.
It’s motivating for me as someone who doesn’t consider themselves a writer, to keep showing up, even at times when I wonder if anyone’s listening because I know my tupuna are listening. As we uncover our stories, we uncover theirs."

Ataria says she always feels as if she is in the process of reclaiming the female energy in te ao Māori.

"As a child I grew up without my Māori nanny, and I read the stories of Māui and didn't even hear about his counterpart - Hineteiwaiwa. I think this is why right now I am hungry for women’s matauranga. I see Awa Wahine as a place where Hineteiwaiwa - the moon ātua, the ātua of lunar cycles and the whare tangata - is manifest, where we can write in her name on our diverse experiences as Māori women and as women."

I ask about where the waka is heading; their future ambitions both personally, and for Awa Wahine. 

"I’m learning to read the tides, the maramataka and how to navigate my waka, when to rest and when to set forth. I am a mother to a very fierce kotiro, whom needs communities like Awa Wahine to reflect her wisdom, her mana and her visions. With myself being in Australia and Ataria being in Aotearoa, we look forward to both diving into our local communities for sources of inspiration and collaboration and bringing it to each others awareness and to Awa Wahine," Irihipeti says. 

​Ataria says her goal is to get herself to the point where she can work on all the projects she is passionate about full-time without "feeling the need to get a ‘proper’ job so I can then spend my time doing this mahi."

"I’ve got a plan though," she says,  "I’m currently building a tiny house. I would also love to facilitate workshops on women’s matauranga, particularly the whare tangata. Not teach it, because I don’t hold that knowledge but getting the wāhine together who do, who do hold that knowledge."

In terms of Awa Wahine, Ataria says their immediate goal is to make Awa Wahine self-sustainable. 

"We envision it as being a social enterprise with all donations and profits going back towards the kaupapa as well as fair wages for the wāhine who are working with us. We have a long-term goal (I am so excited about this) to create a printed magazine sharing interviews with creative wāhine in Australia and New Zealand, the artwork of some of our most talented artists and illustrators as well as the work submitted by writers to our online platform. There are so many ways we could do this, maybe in collab with Indigenous wāhine from other countries as well. It’s exciting, and we look forward to seeing what Awa Wahine grows into."

Irihipeti says, "I hope we flood the media landscape with more and more women who look like us, who speak and think like us and then probably world domination after that ey sis hahaha."

Ae, sis.